Just sad...

I’m going through another breakup again.

It seems like the story of my life. I’m 33 years old and I have not been able to get anything to work out. My marriage of 5 years ended, and since then It’s been one freaking mess after another. The only time that I felt like had any control was when I was just "casually" dating.
Really, only when I told myself from the beginning that I would not get attached, only then did it actually workout until I broke it off. A couple years ago, I was engaged to someone. Engaged for almost a week total before she decided that we were not going to work out. Odd, because up until the engagement everything was fine.

Now, I was dating a wonderful woman. Very passionate, just like I am. The relationship was a wonderful adventure of highs and lows. Eventually we ended. We tried to stay friends, but I was unable to keep that side of it. I was still to attached and it would drive me crazy. Even though she was giving me more attention than most people, I would get emotional because I wanted more. I did not want to be just her friend. I wanted the life we had been planning. The one we talked about.

Now I find myself in a place I know to well. I have lost my love, and most of my friends. The people I’m used to spending so much time with have been annoying me and I don’t really know who to trust. I don’t know anyone I feel I can talk to about all of this. I feel like when my ex-wife left, and when Rae Lynn left. I feel utterly alone. As if when I leave work today, I don’t know where to go. If I end up somewhere, what am I supposed to do? Home seems like an odd place. It seems so empty when she is not there. It feels quiet.

I’m glad my roommate has his two rooms, but I never see him really. I never talk to him. He’s a good guy, but he just keeps to himself.

Oh well….I guess this will allow me to spend more time at the gym.