Just plain tired...

I’m trying to sit here and keep my mind clear. I need to do something. I need to find some activity that takes my mind off its present coarse. As it is, there is only one thing I can even manage to think about.

I think that I’m done believing that my Ex and her friend are "Just friends". While I’m sure they have not started anything yet, I do believe it’s just a matter of time. Not that they would be a good couple. Honestly, I think they would drive each other nuts, but then again maybe opposites attract.

He’s a good looking guy, interesting, but kind of boring. He’s got no passion. He does not really get excited about much. She on the other hand is very passionate. She starts shit up and goes 90 mph one minute and slams on the breaks the next. She’s a rollercoaster and for me that was good. I’m not really sure he can deal with that, or that he will for very long. He’s got a lot of female friends, this is something that most passionate women can not handle, but then again, you never know.

I’m really sick of hearing the bull crap about needing to be friends before dating. Jamie and I were friends, not great friends, but when we found out that we were attracted to each other, we jumped into it. We learned things along the way, things that I don’t really think would have changed us even if we knew them before we started dating. Plus, there is the aerie of make believe when you are just friends. Accepting of everything and putting on a face. You never really meet the person until you are knee deep in their neuroses. That only comes about by spending way to much time together.

But it’s finally gotten to the point that I just don’t want to hear it anymore.

Anyway, I’ve made my mistakes in the past and that is only setting me up to be more aware of what is happening now. Either that, or God is really dragging out my punishment for my sins of the past. The latter does make a fair amount of sense. Hopefully I can pay off my debts and find a happy medium soon.

Lunch is kind of a hard time for me. I need to get out of the office, but at the same time I know that I will be consumed with thoughts of her. I just don’t want to think about it any more. I want to have those memories erased.