Some times I feel I got to...Dun Dun...Run away...

I’m sitting up here at work again, like I do and I’m coming to the realization that I think heavy metal is the cure for everything. That and maybe some hard core gangster rap. There is something so simple and soothing about its qualities. The rhythmic thumping, screaming, and the mental images it produces really help me out. The music is really capable of drowning out the thoughts that are constantly streaming.

I was just listening to some Rob Zombie, Marylyn Manson, and Disturbed and I have to admit that my mood is elevated. I may have to keep my headphones on me at all times and take this medicine when ever I feel one of my spells coming on.

So last night I hit up the bar with a couple of friends. One of my friends and his wife just found out she’s pregnant, so we were out harassing him a little. I’m happy for him. He and his wife seem so good together.

In contrast, I think about Jamie and I and maybe this is not as good as I want it to be. Don’t worry, if I get moody, I’ll put on my music. ;)

I don’t know….we just seem so retarded for each other. Despite the fact that we fight, neither one of us can give up. I’m going to seriously back off though. Last night and today, I’m just getting tired. I don’t care very much what happens anymore. I don’t care if she comes back. I would like her to, but does it really matter? Maybe we can just chat and be text message buddies, and occasional friends.

We text back and forth this morning and it was pretty good, but I’m not really reading into it. She has quite a few friends she does that with. I’m going to concentrate on not trying to see her for a while.